Spring schming

I realize that the rest of the U.S probably has the same complaints about spring.....that it's really not here yet. But, we in Minnesota, are really at a gigantic disadvantage. We are still getting snow and the days aren't warming up enough to melt any of it, so it just keeps accumulating. Yuck. I can't wait for spring to finally really show it's face. Terry and I are traveling to St. Louis Missouri for his son's soccer tournament and so far it looks like it's going to be around 65 degrees while we're there.......AWESOME!!! It's as close to a "warm vacation" as we're going to get at this point and we'll take it!

Rewind back to when the nurse was talking to me about my bleed in my uterus while she was preforming the ultrasound. She was telling me that, while it's pretty big, it looked like mostly old clotted blood.......I found out Friday evening that it wasn't the case, or it certainly didn't seem like it to me. For most of the day Friday, I didn't have any hearing in my right ear, just ringing, which usually happens when I'm dehydrated or my blood pressure is out of the norm (I have pretty low blood pressure). I drank more water and noticed that it remained the same. Later that evening, I bled more than I ever have during these last 3 episodes and this time it was somewhat painful. I had strong twinges in my uterus and cervix and had dull lower back aches. I also noticed that my "ear thing" went away after I bled. Weird. The clinic was already closed so, rather than calling the emergency line (I already feel like a pain in the ass), I will notify the clinic on Monday. I seriously hope this doesn't mean another week of bedrest. I'm worried, but not as much as I would be if this had been my first episode. It comes out of nowhere, but at least I kind of know what to expect most of the time. It's annoying, frustrating and scary, but if the babies are not being harmed and I'm able to continue on with my daily life, I can learn to deal with it.

My next ultrasound is supposed to be Friday, March 29th. I'm not sure if they will bump it up due to the bleeding or leave it be, but it is so unnerving, wondering if everything is ok and this is just the "typical" bleeding again, or if something is really wrong this time. 

When I go in for my next ultrasound, if all is still well and the babies are still on track, I think I will be sharing the news with Kaleb, my 7 year old. For those of you who do not know, I chose to keep things quiet (around Kaleb) until things were more "safe", if there is such a thing. As much as I wish I could have been like most surrogates who share every step with their children, I have more to consider with the fact that Kaleb's dad is ridiculous and impossible to parent with. I knew that if I shared it with Kaleb, he would share it with his dad, and his dad might make it difficult for me to prepare and travel for the embryo transfer. I just didn't want his dad to know until things were more "safe". Sad reason to hide such a big deal, I know, but once Kaleb knows, I will do my best to make him feel every bit a part of it as a kid should feel. I also didn't know how I would explain to Kaleb in the case of miscarriage, which I experienced in October for the first time myself. My sister asked during the first pregnancy if she could share it with my niece (her daughter who was 2 1/2 at the time) and I asked her not to, for that very same reason, which we came to find out just 3 days after she asked me if she could share, the fetus was no longer viable. I also felt that it wouldn't make sense to share it with my niece, before even sharing it with my own son. This time I am feeling more with the nausea and everything else, and because there are two babies, I feel that it should be shared sooner than I intended to share the last time with the singleton. Kaleb has seen the ultrasound pictures and mentioned that ultrasounds were usually for people who were having babies. He's slowly catching on, there's really no fooling him, not for much longer anyways. So far, I've been talking with Kaleb about how there are many different types of families. Some have one mommy and one daddy, some have two daddies, some have two mommies, etc. I even mentioned that I had friends who were "two daddies" and they needed help having a baby, so they could become daddies, and daddies don't carry babies, so they needed a mommy's help. Kaleb says he gets it, but I'm pretty sure it goes right over the top of his head almost every time we talk about it. It will be an interesting first reaction when he hears the news, I'm sure. Kaleb has mentioned wanting a sibling, although very infrequently, I am extremely confident that this will not be an issue with him as his sole reason for wanting to be a big brother is so that he is older than someone else in the household. That's Kaleb for you.

I am still just experiencing nausea and lack of appetite along with light headed-ness, so I am counting my blessings. I am 8 weeks pregnant today and would LOVE it if this was as bad as it gets in the case of morning sickness/nausea........but I'm not going to hold my breath :)