Today marks 34 weeks for us, which is a major milestone in my opinion, because this means that I can deliver at the hospital of my choosing when d-day arrives, whereas I would have had to deliver at a hospital more equipped with a NICU further from home, if I had gone into labor before today. We made it, woot woot!
T&Y are enjoying their trip in Canada and checking in periodically to ask how I'm feeling. I am sure to reassure them that I am still pregnant and, as of this very moment, I think it might stay that way for the next week or so. I know they're anxious and I'm happy that they are, because it seemed just the opposite a few weeks ago when they were telling me that they didn't intend to travel here until October 6th, one week before my due date, as things were "going so well". As mentioned in my last post, I'd rather have them here and watching and waiting for me to go into labor, than having to make an emergency trip and missing the birth. They are also cutting their trip short and arriving on Wednesday, September 25th. I will be breathing a sigh of relief when Wednesday arrives. Well, I won't ACTUALLY be able to breathe a big sigh....but you know what I mean ;)
I feel like I've exploded in growth over the week and I know it shows. My skin burns sometimes, from stretching. I will fully admit I'll lift my shirt and check for stretch-marks, randomly, at any given moment.......although I know I won't escape without them, but I'm still fearful of them. I also have contractions/Braxton Hicks quite frequently and a lot of the times I feel such an intense pressure from Baby A's head on my cervix, I wonder if he's going to come out and wave "hello" :) It will be interesting to see if I've made any progress, come Tuesday's OB appointment. I don't feel so incredibly miserable just yet that I'm begging for it to be over, honestly, which is great, although I'm definitely uncomfortable when sitting and laying and find it very hard to breathe and I tend to try to sleep sitting up at night. When I say "try", it's because I haven't slept in a very long time. Friday night was the first night in weeks that I was able to actually lay down and I slept SO well because of it. I live in leggings because they are far more comfortable than jeans at this point. My bras are not wide enough to accommodate my spreading rib-cage. Heart burn....O...M...G. I won't even go into it at this point. Old story. I regret the hot-dog I ate at the Surrogate Social today (it's still creeping up in my throat and it's been 7 hours). Don't know why I felt the need to eat that, I knew what would happen. My priorities were NOT in check, that's for sure. Think before you leap, Nicole! It's not rocket-science! Oh, that cheese pizza after delivery........drool....it's going to taste soooo good!
Another exciting moment for me this weekend was when I decided to buy myself something I've been wanting for a very long time, AND it was on sale. Yippee! As a reminder, I do not typically buy myself things and when I DO, I second, third, and quadruple guess it before I take the plunge and usually return it in the end. So this is a very big deal! During the week I have my cup of coffee at work (free coffee at work, why not?). But on the weekends, I make my trip to the nearest SA gas station, and sometimes by the time I'm able to get there and out for my errands, I'm already feeling miserably tired and fatigued, not to mention the fact that gas station coffee doesn't really taste that great, I only drink it for the caffeine. Enter....the Keurig! (did you hear the heavenly bells and whistles in the background like I do when I look at it?) I've only had it a couple of days and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. Target is having a special on the K-cups that you use with it and I already went crazy on those. We'll have coffee, cocoa, and apple cider to last us the year at this point. What a magical little machine. It's like Disney World on my counter-top...seriously! In second place is when I found a brand new, unopened toaster oven at Goodwill a few weeks ago. It's so pretty and shiny I can't even bring myself to break it in just yet. So, on my counter sits my amazing good morning buddy and toaster oven. I'm set for life.
Today was the Surrogate Social where the agency hosts a little get-together of it's staff and surrogates. It was fun and great to see a few of the surrogates that I screened/educated in the beginning when they were just starting their journeys, and now have just given birth or are about to. I'm proud of them! Everyone had interesting stories to share and I'm hoping we can have another social sooner than a year from now because I think it's a great opportunity for everyone to get to meet other surrogates. I often hear ladies comment how "rare" they thought surrogacy was until they had the opportunity to come to a social or talk with more of us. You just never know, pregnant women are EVERYWHERE and some of them are acting as surrogates without us ever knowing it.
This week's planned adventures; Monday I have my weekly Chiropractic appointment (I'd go everyday if I could or, better yet, have her come and live at my house), Tuesday I have an OB appointment in the morning (think he'll be shocked when he sees that I haven't really gained those 5 lbs. and it was all water weight the last time?!), an ultrasound and NST right after my OB appointment, Wednesday the guys arrive, Thursday we go and tour the hospital, and Friday.....who knows what will happen Friday. This is only the "surrogate stuff", this doesn't take into account my own work schedule, Kaleb's appointment this week, and whatever else I need to do. When people inquire how I could possibly feel comfortable with intended parents who live so far away, I simply tell them that I couldn't have it any other way, knowing full well that my life is busy as it is, I couldn't fathom accommodating intended parents' busy schedules and trying to arrange appointments so that they could come to every one of them (although the thought is amazing and it would be nice) I just couldn't swing it.
34 weeks...................whoa!!
We are at 33 weeks and 2 days now and have had another OB appointment since my last posting. I have to make it 5 more days to deliver at "my" hospital, and obviously I hope to make it even further and probably will, but will feel much more relaxed when Sunday comes around, for that reason alone. My head......is.......spinning, with everything that I feel needs to be done before T&Y get here and before the babies arrive. I still need to pack my hospital bag, for which I have already purchased a nursing bra (I'm pumping for the babies while they're here) and some sexy grannie panties to fit the big diaper pads I'll be wearing afterwards. Can't forget those! I can't believe that was an exciting purchase for me just 8 years ago. It was almost just as exciting this time around, too! Aside from some toiletries and comfy clothes, I really don't know what else to bring, or if I'll need anything else. The guys are getting more and more anxious and excited to travel here, and so am I, of course. But I still have so much to do! I wonder what it will be like when they get here. Will they want to spend a lot of time together when I'm not working? Will I be able to show them around? Will I be a sitting duck until d-day arrives? But then again, I'd much rather be a sitting duck than go into labor before they get here. I'll take the pressure of being watched, over the chaos of making an urgent last-minute phone call from the hospital, any day. When T&Y arrive, we also hope to pay a visit to the hospital for a tour.
I typically see my OB in the mornings before work, which is before I swell up like a balloon. Friday was a very difficult day for me and I also had a list of questions that I kept forgetting to ask. It took all I had to stay at work and manage the entire day. Thankfully I made my appointment for Friday afternoon, although I didn't do it on purpose entirely for this reason, my OB was able to see just how much I swell after sitting sedentary all day. I think he was a bit surprised. First of all, there was a 5 lb. weight gain from just 10 days before when I saw him, while I hadn't really been gaining much weight, if any, over the past few weeks and that was consistent. This gain was allllll water weight. All day Friday I felt like I was on the verge of throwing up, passing out, I couldn't breathe, couldn't focus, was crabby.....etc. I was miserable, to say the least. So when my OB came in to ask how I was doing, I told him just how I had been feeling. While I hated to admit it, I just can't work 40 hours at this point, but what's strange is that I know that if my job involved more walking/standing/moving around, I wouldn't be having as many issues as I am while I sit all day long and I would probably be able to continue working full time. Our weekends are so incredibly busy and yet I feel more rejuvenated, energized, and do not have any swelling on the weekends. The very moment I plant my ass in my chair at work, I can feel the pooling in my ankles. By the end of the day I can't feel my feet. I really wasn't expecting to experience the start of swelling as early as I did (I want to say 24 weeks or so is when it began). I typically lose 3-4 lbs. of water weight over night and then we start the process ALLL over again the next day. Friday night I lost 5 lbs. of water weight and I laid in bed all day Saturday from the fatigue. By the end of the week, I can't handle it. Sitting also makes it incredibly hard to breathe. My OB was more than agreeable to restricting my work hours. At first he said 3 hours and I said "how about 4 or 5?" Although this week is the worst week possible for me to be go part time because I have so much to do while a co-worker is out, I've kind of waved the white flag and decided that I have to take care of myself first, and if that means that work comes 2nd, so be it. Today was my first real day of only working part time and it already feels strange. I took a nap when I got home. A NAP?!?! Crazy. It felt good though, once I got "comfortable". There's that "C" word again. The one I miss A LOT. I threw a roast in the crockpot before I went to work, knowing that I'd be home in time to take it out. Bam. A nap AND dinner is ready when dinnertime comes around. I can't say I'll enjoy working half days for very long, and I'm so glad to know it's very temporary, but today I behaved and did what I was supposed to and I have very minimal swelling and fatigue because of it. I am allowed to move around and do things, I'm not on bed rest, so it feels weird to say that I need to work part time to go home and be active, but I'll take that over bed rest ANY DAY. I also asked my OB if I was allowed to get the epidural catheter placed in my spine, without having the epidural medicine given at that time, because I want to go as long as I can, unmedicated, to see what "non-pit labor" is like. I also understand that I will need the epidural placed at some point, just in case I wind up having an emergency C-section. He didn't seem to like the idea, so we'll see what happens when it comes time, but he did say that I don't need to get the epidural right away and can wait until I felt like I really needed it. Then came the dreaded question that I really kind of already knew the answer to, but needed confirmation......."how many people are allowed to be with me in the operating room?" He said that 2 people would be allowed, for sure, and it would be up to the delivering OB and anesthesiologist to allow a 3rd person. All along, I've wanted both T&Y to be in the delivery room to watch their children enter into this world. I want to see their faces when they meet their children for the very first time. It's very important to me and I know it is to them as well. It will be a very magical moment and I'll cry like a baby, I know it. But, I also feel like I need Terry by my side to physically and emotionally support me through the delivery process and this means T&Y might have to pick who gets to be a part of the delivery. However, I am still feeling somewhat optimistic that the stars will align and it will be my OB who is delivering and that something will work out so that Terry, T&Y can all be in the room with me. Both babies are head down just as I have hoped and dreamed of all along, so that HAS to mean that everything will go our way in the end, am I right?!
T&Y are traveling to Canada tomorrow and when I talked with them on the phone this afternoon, they mentioned possibly cutting their Canada trip short and coming here sooner. I'm all for it! I think they are really getting anxious and are realizing that it could happen any day now. Their sweet babies will be here before we know it!
My grandma is here visiting from AZ. She is the only person that is unaware that T&Y are a same-sex male couple because she is what I would call "anti-gay" and very close-minded. My mom told me a few weeks ago that she was going to tell my grandma about the guys because she felt that she should be accepting of it and why should I feel the pressure of having to refrain from some of the things I share, just to keep her happy? I was indifferent and left it up to my mom. I wasn't told by my mom whether she had had the conversation with my grandma yet or not, but on Saturday when we went to visit and have dinner, as soon as I walked in the door and saw my grandma for the first time in over a year.....I knew my mom had said something to her. I'm glad she knows, but I can tell she doesn't agree with it and it doesn't affect me in any way.
My sister asked our grandma to teach her how to crochet, so now my sister is busy crocheting blankets for the babies, which is SO sweet! It will put my gift to shame, that's for sure. I wish I was more creative and crafty. Speaking of which, I still need to get the gifts and I really hope to do it on Saturday. I've been indecisive on what to get and want to do a few things for both babies and T&Y. This Sunday is the "Surrogate Social" that the agency has each year. It will be a fairly small gathering this year as it's a busy time of year for most, but it was fun last year and I'm looking forward to it again this year, big or small. Truthfully, I didn't even know if I would make it when we were choosing the date. I keep threatening that I can't plan on anything right now. It makes me a little anxious, but it's also kind of exciting. People keep asking me when I think "it will happen" and I have to say that I feel like the 35th week really sticks out. I would be happy to carry the babies to 36 weeks, don't get me wrong, but I'm going with my gut instinct on this one. Thankfully T&Y will be here by then.
Right now the babies move A LOT. Which is a great sign. I believe that means they still have room, so they aren't too cramped or out of space at this point. I also hope they don't move TOO much because I don't want them to flip at this point. I do feel, however, that I'm squishing them when I lay on my side at night. I can't get the image out of my head when I'm trying to fall asleep and I can feel them squirming. Are they happy in there and just moving around, or are they telling me to move so they can "breathe"? It's like they're having their own disco dance party. I'm also getting up to pee about every 45-60 minutes now and BOY is it harder and harder to get out of bed with each passing night?! Big pregnant women weren't kidding when they complained about having to roll and brace themselves on things to get out of a chair or out of bed. I waddle and don't even try to hide that anymore. I see a chiropractor to help with my upper/mid back discomfort, but the worst times are at night and it has become quite painful, most likely due to my over-abundance of pillows and lack of proper posture. I also have this weird hip muscle thing going on where, all of a sudden, one of the babies will move and I'll either have one of my hip muscles cramp up into a Charlie-horse or I'll have searing pain (sciatic pain) shooting down my leg. Again, I've realized that I am a real pregnant woman this time around. My pregnancy with Kaleb was cake. But while I carry these babies closer to term, without bed rest or any complications, I will continue to count my lucky stars.
I can't forget to mention my "after birth plans". I've been so excited about this for the past few weeks. After the babies are born, I want to order a cheese pizza from my favorite place that's just down the road from the hospital. I think once all of the pressure is off my stomach, I might be able to actually eat like a real human again! I can't TELL you how excited I am! Who woulda thunk, I shrank during pregnancy and will most likely get fat afterwards (from all the binge eating I'm going to do after having missed out). Thanks to my new addiction to Pinterest, I have plans......oh yes......I have plans :)
33 weeks.........they seem to be stretching out from top to bottom now, rather than out
Today marks 32 weeks which is absolutely amazing to me! I feel like the last few weeks have gone the quickest, when compared to my post at 28 weeks, although things have become more trying. I've, of course, grown quite a bit, grown even more exhausted, and have even less space to fit any food in my stomach. I eat small meals/snacks frequently throughout the day just to try to keep the weight on or even gain more if it's possible. What's strange is that I haven't had any particular cravings during this entire pregnancy. Food, in general, sound good all the time, especially sweets! I'm at 11 lbs. of weight gain total at this point and have been at that point for a few weeks now (no weight gain in a few weeks). This is not my intention, trust me. Hopefully the candy corn Oreos that somehow managed to make it into my Target bag today will help with that :) PS: They are really good, I made sure 3x's over already, and tonight I'll have to try more, just to be sure ;). I rely on lots of Zantac and a shot of puke flavored Apple Cider Vinegar each night to keep stomach acid from spewing into my mouth (it's happened, seriously, weirdest thing to wake up to) while I sleep. Sleeping, if that's what you want to call it, has become interesting, to say the least. Comfortable is no longer in the vocabulary. Terry has even gone as far as pushing on my back when I go to sit up, to be helpful, which is too funny. I flip from side to side, up to pee every hour, back to bed, flip, flip, flip, re-adjust pillows, all night long. I think this could be the reason my right eye lids have been twitching constantly for roughly 4 weeks now which is driving me insane. I've already threatened to commit myself if it doesn't go away after birth! It will continue to rub me the wrong way when people think, just because I LOOK small for carrying twins, that I can not possibly be uncomfortable. If anything, I'm in an even worse position while my body is small-statured (and shrinking) and the babies are bigger than "typical twins". This is another interesting, yet important fact of surrogacy to remember; because these babies have no genetic relation to me and my small baby-birthing family, they are going to be big like their parents are, and there's nothing I have to do with it, but to deal with it and make room. True story. But I'd rather the babies be on the bigger side, than not, honestly! Although I now feel like I might be giving birth to two toddler-sized tots when d-day arrives, I feel that they will be healthy and thriving. They move ALL the time which is still very enjoyable and fun to watch outside my belly....except for the random punches to my cervix, I swear Baby A is wielding an ice-pic! I feel feet up under my ribs and heads down into my pelvis. I have had quite a bit of pressure in my pelvis for quite some time and with each ultrasound, Baby A's head is still tightly wedged in my pelvis and resting on my cervix, what a good boy he is :). During our last ultrasound 2 weeks ago, it was determined that, while I thought I was pushing on Baby B's little head on my right side, it's actually been her little tush! She is now following suit, head-down, and I felt like crying with tears of joy when the ultrasound tech. told me this. That is the optimal vaginal-delivery position, so I hope they stay that way. At our last ultrasound, Baby A was measuring 3 lbs. 10 oz. and Baby B was 3 lbs. 7 oz. Those are some pretty sizeable babies!
Terry and I took a day off of work to enjoy the Minnesota State Fair. I look forward to the State Fair every year as I am very much a "foodie" and have to have my cheese curds and mini doughnuts. I was SO looking forward to going this year, come hell or high water, it was going to happen. I was disappointed I'd be missing out on my beloved beergarita, but I had plans for what I was going to eat (and I brought baggies to take leftovers:) It was over 90 degrees that day and I dressed as light as I possibly could, without going naked. After about 2 hours of walking around, we sat in the shade and I had a fainting episode and had a lot of trouble getting out of it. I am a fainter, as it is, and so is my mom, but we always try to be as "quiet" about it as possible, so as not to freak people out. Well when I tried, non-nonchalantly to get my head between my knees and couldn't fit because of my belly, it just wasn't happening. People noticed. I remember beginning to panic, myself, when I realized I was most likely going to be exiting the State Fair via stretcher. Enter the magical marvelous baggie filled with ice. Problem solved! Medics came over to make sure we were ok and I reassured them that the ice baggie was doing the trick. After about 15 minutes of cooling down, we were off to enjoy another 4-5 hours of the fair and it was the longest we've stayed and very well worth it. I tried the new "mini doughnut batter flavored ice-cream" that I had been looking forward to and, while it was good, I don't have to get it again. I had my cheese curds, mini doughnuts, and a bite of Terry's chicken taco.
Last weekend was Labor Day weekend and my parents spoiled us kids with a nice long weekend at Breezy Point Resort up north. It was heaven. I had been looking forward to that time with my family, away from home, kid-less, for quite some time. Saturday we spent the afternoon out in the sun on the pontoon, swimming, exploring the sandbars and "Goat Island". Apparently there are lots of goats on Goat Island to help keep the vegetation manageable. My sisters and my youngest sister's boyfriend were VERY adamant that we go visit Goat Island to find these awesome goats. They were obsessed. We pulled up to the island where there were lots of other people swimming around, dropped anchor and while Terry, my sisters and my sister's boyfriend went to find goats, my parents and I stood in the water, relaxing and sipping on our drinks (green tea for me) and hoped to hear all about their goat-finding adventure when they returned. After a while we began to wonder if maybe they were eaten by goats (but we still stood, sipping on our drinks, relaxing), until we saw the 4 of them return with somber looks on their faces. Turns out...some bachelor party got a hold of the 4 goat-hunters for some beer-bonging good times and told them that the goats were no longer on the island. Long story short, there were supposed to be 2 goats, according to the resort workers, but apparently the bachelor boys didn't want to lose their new found friends to their goat-hunting adventures, rather, they wanted to have some fun with them and made up a story that the goats weren't there this year. Bummer. Imagine how pissed my sister was to find this out when we returned. Those goats were all they had looked forward to all damn day. I also had my own little adventure when I assured my mom that pregnant women are very buoyant, so "no", I didn't really need a dorky life-jacket when we jumped into 30 ft. deep water. Turns out...I am actually carrying an anchor :) I got quite the work-out treading water and "looking calm" until it was time to climb back up. I'm still the only one who knows that I just about drowned. After we returned to our lodge, we got ready for dinner at a nice restaurant nearby (best steak I've ever had and it was a perfect 5 oz. just for my little stomach!) and then returned to listen to Elvis sing his heart out terribly, from our dock. We sat around the fire until it was time for bed and spent Sunday at the Casino and lunch with my aunt and uncle and playing cards indoors due to the crappy weather. I could repeat that weekend every weekend of my life, it was amazing. My parents spoiled us way too much, as always, but time with my family is my favorite time in the world, whether it be here or there.
After we returned home from the weekend up north, I noticed that my Braxton Hicks contractions had really picked up that night. I was well hydrated and resting, so there didn't seem to be any real reason why this should happen, but I paid close attention to it over the course of the next day and a half. On Wednesday I was absolutely miserable at work (this seems to be the trend while I'm sedentary at work, I feel like total crap, and that's putting it nicely). I kept having the Braxton Hicks more frequently and just felt "off". My next OB appointment wasn't until this next Friday, but I feel so much more responsibility to be cautious with these babies during this pregnancy that I decided I had better go in and get checked out, just to be safe. I refused to go straight to the hospital, knowing full well that I was not in labor, I just really wanted my doctor to check my cervix. I kind of gave the triage nurse some lip when she asked me the 50 questions about how I was feeling "off". I felt like crap and didn't have the energy to talk, much less describe to a non-pregnant woman why I was feeling "off". I finally said "ok then, I'll just spend the next hour counting my contractions and I'll give you a call with that important magical number for you to decide whether I can see my doctor for a quick cervical check, or not, how does that sound?" ....and BOOM, I was able to squeeze in with my OB within that hour. He checked my cervix and reported that I am 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced. Based on my progression, he also performed the fetal fibronectin to see what the chances of me going into labor within the next 2 weeks would be. Honestly, going into the appointment I fully expected to hear that I was slightly dilated and also that the fetal fibronectin result was negative. So there weren't any surprises. He told me that I should just be more careful and take it easy. So, I'll basically go back to sitting on my ass at my desk for 40+ hours per week, which is what is killing me fatigue/exhaustion-wise, and continue to be busy, but not so busy, on the weekends. No real changes. If it wasn't for my manager taking these next two weeks off for her honeymoon, I have actually really been on the verge of burning all of my vacation time so I can be home and active, rather than at work, to keep a grip on my sanity, however, I've taken on a few of her tasks (not willingly, let me tell you) and know that I would catch hell if I didn't take care of them while she is away. I'm stuck. I know that when I go back to work tomorrow, after a weekend of keeping active and feeling a "normal tired", I will be plagued with exhaustion, fatigue, the inability to catch my breath, so tired I could vomit, feeling........I don't know how much longer I can do it (be sedentary). I NEED to move to feel "normal".
On a brighter note (and please, all of you who read my blog, understand that I whine here to vent and I really do feel that I've been lucky with only having complications for those first few weeks and the amazing ability to still be carrying twins, without many restrictions, at 32 weeks)...............T&Y have announced that they will be traveling to Canada starting September 19th (I think to explore?) and then HERE to MN on September 28th, unless anything changes. Woo hoo!! We have an arrival date! Knowing that they will be here in just a few short weeks, takes a lot of pressure off. I keep wondering "what if the babies come earlier?", and want everything to go as planned, but doesn't everyone? Truthfully, I wish they would just come straight here on the 19th because I have this weird feeling that my water is just 2 weeks away from breaking and then they will have to urgently change their plans. I feel overwhelmed with everything that I feel I need to do before they arrive. I want to deep clean my house (it's clean, but you know what I mean, they're guests!), get baby gifts (haven't done that yet!), clean hedgehog cages so I won't have to for a while, get dinners scheduled with my family to include T&Y (my family offered to have them for dinner, which is very thoughtful and I can't wait!), I had intended to throw them a little mini-baby-shower for little things to take home with them and include whoever wanted to be a part of it, etc. I DID get one thing done that was no small feat. I Kaleb's pack-n-play out of storage, hosed it down, soaped it up, and dried it out so it's all ready for T&Y to use when they get here. I can sleep now :)
At my last ultrasound appointment almost 2 weeks ago, I was instructed to start scheduling my "weekly ultrasounds", which means that, beginning this week, I will have weekly ultrasounds to keep tabs on the babies' growth, as well as non-stress tests (NST). These appointments are roughly 2-2.5 hours long and they don't include my now bi-weekly to weekly OB appointments. From now until the birth, I'll be living at the doctor's office. I don't mind and am actually looking forward to it. It gives T&Y even more chances to see and hear about the babies. They are SO excited and I am so excited for them! We are really in the home stretch now. Things could happen at any time. We want the babies to bake a little longer, of course, but if they were to come now, they would have a very good chance of being born without complications and much time spent in the NICU. I have to make it to 34 weeks in order to deliver at the hospital of my choosing, which is something I will worry about until we reach 34 weeks. If I go into labor between now and 34 weeks, I will have to deliver at a hospital in the cities that is equipped with a NICU. Fingers crossed we still have another 2+ weeks in us!!! Bake, babies, bake!
29 weeks.............................
30 weeks...............................
31 weeks..............................(Labor Day Weekend)
32 weeks................................TODAY!
